r/AmItheAsshole 9d ago

Open Forum AITA Monthly Open Forum - December 2023


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r/AmItheAsshole 8h ago

AITA for calling the police when the parents I babysit for were late?


I (16f) sometimes babysit on weekends. My mom's coworker needed a babysitter, and she gave him my number. I agreed to babysit 3 kids from 2 pm till 8.30 pm. Because the parents had some party to get to.

It went okay. But the parents didn't get back at 8.30. At 9 I tried calling him, but he didn't pick up. I texted a few times. At 9.30 I tried calling again. And again at 10. And 10.30.

I tried calling my parents, but my dad was at a work dinner and my mom didn't pick up. I tried calling the parents of the kids again, but they still weren't picking up or responding.

At 11.30 ish I called the police, because I didn't know what else to do. And I was worried something might have happened to the parents too. They came, and around the same time the parents came back. The dad screamed at me, and he's still very upset.

Edit: I called the police because I was worried about the parents not picking up / being late, and because I really had to get home. Not to involve cps or anything like that.

Edit 2: since some people asked. I didn't call the emergency number, I'm not in the US (police isn't violent here), and I was paid up front, so not for the extra 3 hours. (This was a response to a few comments, I don't think all US cops are violent)

r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago

AITA for refusing to make my half sister look better on her wedding day by showing up?


My half sister and I share a mom. She's 9 years older than me (17f). Her dad died when she was 5, mom remarried to my dad when she was 8 and got pregnant with me straight away. Until I was 10 I thought she was the best person ever and I wanted us to have a relationship like my friends had with their siblings. But she has rejected me as "not being her real sister" from day one. She also rejects my dad as anything other than "my mother's fuck buddy" and she has called him that to his face and in front of other people. My dad always lets it slide and mom will tell her we're a family, to which my half sister will say she's family but my dad and I are not.

When I was 6 my brother was stillborn when mom was about 6 months pregnant with him. She had grandma come over to watch my half sister and me while she was in the hospital and we were told something happened to our brother. I was really upset because I had been so excited and wanted comfort from my half sister. She told me to grow the fuck up and stay away from her. She also told me it was a shame the same thing didn't happen when mom was expecting me. Grandma was horrified and told her she would regret saying that but my half sister told her she wouldn't regret saying that about someone she didn't love.

The breaking point was that Christmas when I was 10. She decided to stay with a different family member for Christmas but did show up to our grandparents for Christmas Day celebrations. I was excited to see her and thought the fact she showed up meant she might like me now. But after I had tried talking to her she turned on me and said she didn't give a fuck about me or my life and did not want me to know anything about hers. She called me pathetic and asked why she would care about someone like me. She told me if she could turn back time she would have begged for mom to have an abortion with me because I was disgusting. It was that point where I think I hit the point where I was like you know what, fine.

Over the last 7 years I have seen her maybe 3 times. She avoids being where I will be and she has made it clear to mom that if mom wants to see her, dad and I are not welcome and we are not invited into her life. Except now she's getting married and she invited me and wanted me there because questions were asked. Mom was so happy when my half sister told her she really wanted me there. Mom was so eager to tell me. My half sister even showed up to invite me personally. But I told her I would not go. She explained she needed me and why and I told her I will not make her look better by showing up. I said she wants me dead, I don't want her in my life, it's as simple as that.

Mom cried that we're siblings and I told her I lost my only sibling when my brother was stillborn. That he would have been my only sibling, because my half sister sure as shit wasn't a sibling for me. She made it clear many times over she did not want to be.

My half sister and mom both feel I'm really in the wrong.


r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITA for not allowing my wife to punish our son for an disgusting and embarrassing gift?


My wife(36) and I(38) have three kids. Twins(M and F 14) and a boy (12). The problem is between my boys Noah(twin), Liam and their mother.

Liam always felt that his mom favors Noah over him. To get it straight out of the way: She loves him but he is still right. To make it simple I would say Liam gets 60% and Noah gets 100% of all love and affection their mother is able to give. His mother swears that it’s not the case but it’s obvious to everyone else, including our girl. I am trying my best to make things even without punishing Noah for something he has no control over.

Liam's relationship with his mother and Noah has collapsed in the last year. He only speaks to them when it’s necessary and he strictly addresses his mom with her first name. He avoids them and flees from them and when his mom or Noah try to talk to him or do something friendly from him, he berates them until they give up.

Yesterday we celebrated my wife’s birthday with close friends and family. Liam stayed in his room although his mother slipped him a handwritten invitation under the door. When it came to opening the gifts we discovered to our surprise that Liam’s name was on one of them. My wife was super exited and grabbed this one first.It was a disgusting collage with family pictures. Liam was always cut out and my wife had devil horns and insults written on her head. She bursted out in tears immediately and ran out of the room. Everybody saw this collage. The party was over of course and my wife was publicly humiliated in her own home on her birthday.

Liam refuses to come out of his room and I decided to let him be for the moment but his mother demands that I ground him for a month with no electronics. I refused to do so and told her that if I punish him now for her he will resent her even more and their relationship may be unfixable. She called me an AH and an enabler. She doesn’t care about reconciling with her son, she wants revenge.


Edit: she didn’t say she wants revenge, she said he should be punished for what he did. With revenge I meant that I think she wants him punished and does not think about the consequences.

Edit 2: Had a quick talk with my wife. She wants therapy too. But only for her and Liam. She says there is nothing wrong with the other kids.

r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for reporting my niece's youtube channel and getting her account banned?


My (26F) family is big on pictures and I have always hated it. It was always an argument when I was younger because I would try to avoid photos and felt forced into it. I still feel like this as an adult but try and force a smile mostly for my grandparents on holidays. I am very self conscious and don't use social media much. Everyone in my family knows all of this and doesn't really care. If they want a picture they take it and I just have to 'deal with it.'

Last weekend was my dad's birthday. Our whole family was there including my niece (11F) Sara. She recently got a cell phone and started a YouTube channel. She posts every day, multiple times a day.

When they arrived she had her phone out and was recording everything. I talked to her mom (38F) privately on the side and asked her to please ask Sara not to film me. She laughed and said oh kids will be kids, she's just enjoying her new phone, no one sees what she posts anyway. I said hey I understand but I'm not comfortable being filmed, and as a kid and young female it's important to understand consent in all areas of life.

That didn't go over well. Aunt goes off on me, I'm a brat, she's just a kid, don't tell her how to mother, so on.

I walked away, not trying to ruin my dad's birthday. Sara is still filming and I decide to speak directly to her. I said hey Sara, that's so exciting about your new phone. I'm uncomfortable being filmed though, can you please leave me out of it? She says ok, but then later starts filming everything including me again.

I ended up leaving the party right after cake because I feel self conscious and just want to go home.

That evening, I see that my niece has posted multiple YouTube videos and I am in almost every one. Her channel is not private and one of the videos is already over 1000 views. Which is weird to me because again she is 11, who is watching this stuff?

In a moment of anger I went through and reported all of the videos i was in. The next week I get an angry call from her mom saying her channel was terminated because of her age. Apparently even with an adults permission you have to be 13 to have an account. And she knows I had to have been the one to report her.

We go back and forth a while and I did say we'll the age is there for a reason, why are you ok with 1000 people watching a videos of your 11 year old dancing?

Everyone in the family thinks I'm a big ahole for reporting the channel and that I bullied my niece because I have low self esteem. They think I should apologize to her and my aunt for basically saying she is a bad mom. I don't think I'm the bad person in this situation and think I should be apologized to for ignoring my boundaries!

EDIT TO ADD: I live with my parents and yes I pay rent. Party was at our house. We live in Louisiana. I did ask aunt to delete vids after they were posted and she ignored me, that's when I reported the videos I was in. I didn't think her whole channel would be taken down.

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for allowing my 2 yr old to copy me whilst I applied makeup


So I (f26) was getting dressed and I usually put on apply makeup. My 2 yr old son likes to watch me. I try giving him the iPad but he just likes to watch me.

I’m very wary when it comes to things like this. But whatever he’s 2. He doesn’t know anything about gender norms just yet. So yesterday I was sat applying my makeup and my 2 yr old came in, took my beauty blender and started dabbing his face. I thought it was funny so called my husband to come look.

He wasn’t as amused as I was, tbh he was angry. Took the blender from him. Then told me to stop trying to make our son feminine. I told him he’s only 2 but he said it starts early.

I feel bad now. But I obviously didn’t think it was that much of a big deal.


r/AmItheAsshole 1h ago

AITA for having dairy-free and dairy food options at Thanksgiving, so now I am not allowed to cook for Christmas dinner?


I hosted Thanksgiving at my home this year. We have several lactose intolerant family members, one of them being my son’s husband, so I made some recipes using oil or olive oil “butter” over real butter, or using lactaid milk so it would be safe. I made sure to put the dairy free items apart from anything with regular milk and butter by having a separate small table for those dishes.

My son-in-law ended up feeling very ill and my son brought him to the ER that night. Even though I used safe ingredients he still had a reaction to something unknown in the food. My son rang me up from the hospital asking what was in the dishes at the dairy safe table. I told him I used oil, vegan butter, and lactaid. He was upset with me because I put milk into the mashed potatoes. I told him again I put lactaid milk so it would be safe.

My son-in-law is recovered and doing well. My son, however, is quite upset with me and claims he cannot trust me to cook food for them again because I “mislabeled” the food. He is claiming he has told me many times about his husband’s dairy allergy, and I agree he has which is why I made separate food. It is now to the point where the family doesn’t want me to make any diary free dishes for Christmas because I am “failing to understand.” Instead they have all agreed my sister-in-law will make some of those dishes while my son and son-in-law will make the rest.

I am beside myself because I love to cook for and feed my family. I feel I am being displaced when what happened on Thanksgiving could have been caused by a reaction to anything.

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for telling my cousins they didn't belong at my grandmother's funeral


My dad’s side of our family is quite complicated. He doesn’t speak to his brother anymore (they were about 20 y/o when they stopped talking), so I had never met my uncle and all of his children before the funeral.

My grandmother was a sweet little angel and my family (dad, mom and my sister) loved spending time with her. We went out with her every sunday evening to a restaurant and we loved spending evenings and christmas with her. My dad was the only one of my grandmother’s children to take care of her and to spend time with her.

My grandmother passed away about 2 weeks ago, she was 95 years old and her health was impeccable, but in her last week of life, she had to go to the hospital and that’s where she passed. My 4 cousins (I had never met them before the funeral), all of them are adults, never went to spend time with my grandmother, so I’d say that hadn’t seen her in more than 15 years (so they were children the last time they saw her). They never visited her in the hospital to say goodbye either while my family was there every single day to be with her and keep her company.

Now comes her funeral. I didn’t think they would show up. When they arrived, I didn’t know who they were, so I thought they were coming to give us their condolences. But, at my horrible surprise, they came and stood beside me to accept other people’s condolences. Something in me switched and I became enraged. I was mourning so my emotions were all over the place but I don’t want to use that as an excuse because I think my feelings were somewhat understandable.

In my head, they didn’t deserve to receive condolences because they never made any effort to see her all these years. If my family hadn’t been there, my sweet grandma would have spent all of those christmas nights alone.

When they started crying and telling people how hard it was and how sad they were, that’s when i had to say something. I turned towards them and told them that the line was for family only, and that they didn’t belong here. They told me they were family and that it was their grandmother too. I responded saying that family is supposed to be there for eachother, and they never were.

As to not ruin the funeral, I didn’t scream, I told them while no one was listening, but now that all the emotions I was feeling in that moment passed, I just keep on wondering if I’m the asshole in the situation… So, AITA?

EDIT : to answer some questions, here's some clarification :

My father contacted each one of them to tell them that she was in the hospital and didn't have much time left if they wanted to come and say goodbye.

When they were young, they had the chance to know her and they saw her quite frequently. They are now all over 30, so i just wanted to say that they had so many years to get in touch with her and to visit her. So, it wasn't because they couldn't, it was because they didn't make an effort. My dad's brother still spoke to my grandmother and they were quite close, so it's not because they couldn't.

I just wanted to clarify that there were no falling out with my dad's brother and my grandmother. So they still saw each other occasionaly. Although, I know for a fact that my cousins never went to see her, because my grandma kept telling us how they missed them and hadn't seen them in so long.

r/AmItheAsshole 11h ago

AITA for telling my step mother to go F herself in public when she suggested talking about my late mom is disrespectful to her?


Hey Reddit, I'm 15F dealing with some family stuff, and I need some help. My parents divorced about 9 years ago and about 5 years ago, my mom and brother (1 year older than me) passed away in an accident. My dad (39M) married Sarah (35F) when I was 9 so about a year before my mom and brother died.

Sarah is the jealous type. She doesn't like it when she hears people talk about my mom or brother and she has removed all traces of my mom and brother from the house (everywhere except my room). It became worse after my mom and brother died, and then much worse ever since she became pregnant and my little sister was born. She believes it's time for us to move on and focus on the family we have rather than the one we lost.

We fight a lot in the house, but we had a public fight yesterday. We were visiting my grandparents and I was talking to my aunt (dad's sister, who really liked my mom) and she was telling me about a nice memory of when my mom was pregnant with my brother. We were talking quietly so nobody except me, my aunt and cousin were part of the conversation but Sarah inserted herself and suggested that it's disrespectful to her to talk about my dad's ex during an event when she is present.

I said "Sarah keep walking, it's not about you" but she took me to a corner and said this is our family policy to present a united front, and she is my dad's wife now with a baby and we should not mention his previous wife or son. I snapped and said you can't erase them no matter how much you try and you go fuck yourself. It was loud so everyone heard, she also shouted that I should show her some respect. I showed her a middle finger, said you're pathetic and jealous of people who died years ago and walked away.

Last night my dad tried to mediate and suggest we both did wrong and should apologize to each other and move on, and neither of us are willing to do that. My dad says I was wrong to escalate in public and say those things, and she was wrong to push me in public, he believes we should have discussed the matter later as a family.

Sarah says she's tired of living in my mom's shadow and family don't love her like they did my mom, also says her daughter also lives in the shadow of my brother and doesn't have her own identity. I'm tired of her behavior and will not put up with it anymore. People who were there generally took my side though. I have support of both grandparents, aunt and several cousins who all told me they didn't know she was doing this to me and won't be inviting her to any events again. She has the support of my uncle's new wife who also believes the family like my uncle's ex wife better.

So after talking to my dad I'm wondering if I was an AH for not controlling my temper and maybe I could have avoided a public conflict which now everyone knows about.

r/AmItheAsshole 6h ago

AITA for making my mother hire help to take care of my brother?


My (19M) brother (15M) broke both of his arms in two unrelated incidents that took place a week apart from each other. He now has two long arm casts and basically can’t do anything by himself. Our mother (45F), who raised us on her own, has been helping him out.

Yet now she has to go to another state to be with my grandmother who just entered hospice care, and I understand it’s important for my mother to be there, but I told her she should make arrangements for some professional caretaker to tend to my brother while she’s away.

I don’t mind cooking for him or feeding him, but I don’t want to be the one that has to wipe him after he goes to the bathroom or to bathe him every day – and neither does he. It’s just too weird for two brothers to be in this position.

My mother can’t understand our discomfort. She says I’ll be home anyway (true, I’m already on a break from college and I won’t start my new job until January) and she thinks I’m just creating additional stressors and financial difficulties by pushing for hired help.

I offered to help find this person and even to use some of my savings to contribute to the costs, but she refused, saying I'm just looking for a way to ease my conscience and that it’s already clear she can’t count on me. I’m feeling like the biggest AH in the world right now.

r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for not returning home for my fiancee when she was locked outside of the house?


It’s a nice Sunday afternoon. My plan is to walk to my sister’s house (an hour away) and watch my football team play live on television. It’ll be dark once the game finishes, so I’ll take an Uber back. We don’t have cars and are also trying to save money (wedding to pay for and much more). My fiancee plans to stay at our home, read, relax, watch TV.

So I make the walk to my sister’s. After about forty minutes there - and about twenty minutes into the game - I get a call from my fiancee. She’s in tears and has accidentally locked herself out of the house while picking up a food delivery to the home. She wants me to come back and use my key to let her in the house.

My first job is to calm her down. Then I have to convince her not to try and break our side door down so she can get in. Then a solution occurs to me. I tell her to take an uber to my sister’s. Then, I’ll uber us both back home in an hour when the game is over. That way my fiancee is not locked outside in the cold and I still get to watch the game. She doesn’t want to do this. There’s no real reason why besides her just not wanting to. She wants to carry on with her evening plans in our home. I don’t force the issue. I express that I want to stay and watch the game and my solution works for everyone, but it’s her choice. I’ll come if she insists on not coming. Otherwise, she can come here for an hour until we go back together.

She eventually take an uber to join me at my sister’s. We watch the match for another 45 minutes then I call us an uber back home. The whole time, she’s annoyed at me, barely speaking to me. She thinks I should have simply came back to ours when she called, stop what I wanted to do that evening to amend her mistake. My contention is: my solution was the best of both worlds! The way we did it, she was not locked outside of the house in the cold AND my whole plans for the night weren’t scuppered.

I basically feel like she’s expressing is: ‘what I wanted to do that night is more important than what you wanted.’ And what’s more, i don’t see how she can have an issue with the solution we came to: her coming to my sister’s for an hour then us going home together. It’s not like we got home late. It was 6pm. The uber one-way is cheap too. So Reddit, SHOULD I have gone straight back home when she called? Am I the AITA?

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for not dropping of my friend resulting in her getting robbed.


The other day, I (28M) went to a work early Christmas party which one of my friends (28F) from uni who also works at the same company was attending.

At the end of the night, she asked if I could drop her to the tube station or home since I'd come by car (I didn't drink because I was driving).

I said I'm in a bit of a rush unfortunately and couldn't, even though in reality I could have since the tube was on the way home and dropping her home wouldn't have added much to my commute. I was actually concerned since I wasn't sure how comfortable my gf would be with me having another girl in the car alone.

She was also a little tipsy and she's probably also not the most careful person considering she was robbed twice before in the past 5 years.

Apparently she actually got robbed again, she was at the bus stop and she noticed the straps of her purse had been cut off and she was just wearing the straps with no purse.

She lost her phone, cash and cards and had to walk for an hour home in heels but luckily her flat uses a digital pin code so she could get in.

She seems a little cross with me now despite not directly blaming me but I feel like it's on her to be more careful, I've never had an issue before and I'm not some muscular guy, I'm just 5' 6 and she's 5'0. Back in uni we used to walk together sometimes between buildings, but that was a long time ago. In my mind she just wanted to avoid getting hit on but she'd manage to handle that herself now.

Now I'm wondering if I was an AH, I asked my gf and she said I should have dropped her and she'd have no problem with it, but I didn't know at the time.

At the same time she should be taking her precautions, like I knew I'd be driving so I didn't drink, she knows she has a late commute so she should be aware of her belongings surroundings and not drink too much.

r/AmItheAsshole 19h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for being annoyed that my husband let someone in our house unannounced to use the restroom and waking up our sick baby?


My 3 month old son is sick for the first time. It’s 9pm and suddenly my husband gets up and opens the front door and his friend walks in. I asked why there was a person in the house, and he said his friend had to pee. This wouldn’t be an issue if it weren’t for the fact that my boob was out from nursing our sick son to sleep, and we have FOUR DOGS. They, of course, bark and wake the baby up. I gave my husband a look that would’ve knocked him dead if looks could kill, and when his friend left I said “I think it goes without saying, never do that again” as I’m rocking our, now awake, baby. My husband goes “if someone needs to use the restroom I’m going to let them” I responded “he literally had to drive farther to get here than he would’ve to stop at a gas station” (based on where we live, no matter where his friend is coming from, this is true) He said “it’s not my fault that the dogs barked” I said “but it is your fault there was someone in the house to bark at or at a minimum, that they weren’t outside when that person got here” He just responded with “sounds like a personal problem” and went back to his game.

I was annoyed about my sick baby being woken up, but now I’m sitting here fuming that I couldn’t get even an “yeah I’m sorry, that was a bad idea” but maybe I’m the a-hole for being annoyed it happened in the first place. What do yall think, AITA?

Updated: this got more attention than I expected 😅 a few things! I spoke to my husband again, who clarified the friend was already coming over to pick something up. He asked to use the restroom once here and it put my husband on the spot. Due to this I did apologize for the misunderstanding on my part, thinking my husband gave him permission to come inside in advance without giving me a heads up. I told him I still wish he would’ve put the dogs outside, but I can see how the question took him off guard and he just did the nice thing and said yes without thinking what would happen next all the way through. I also told him that all would’ve been only slightly annoying, had it not been for his remark afterwards. He has sort of apologized for that but I think at this moment I think he still feels wrong by my reaction overall and just isn’t quite there yet. He did acknowledge it was disrespectful and that he would be mad if roles were reversed. And finally, he is not dealing drugs or doing any, good grief, I’m not divorcing him over this and I sure as SHIT am not getting rid of my dogs. They don’t bark at any little thing, just people coming inside, and do generally stop on command.

r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITA for agreeing to walk my niece down the aisle and dance with her in honor of my best friend and BIL when I know her stepdad would have loved to?


My best friend, Sam, and my sister, Erica, started dating when we were all in our 20s. Sam and I met in kindergarten and were best friends until his death at the age of 34. He was my brother in every way that counted and he was an amazing dad to Kenna who was 7 when he died and Parker who was 9. A coupe of years after Sam died Erica met Jason. They got married after dating for a year. The kids struggled and never warmed up to Jason much. He is a good guy and has tried to be a good stepdad and even offered to adopt them three times in the years before they turned 18. Neither Kenna or Parker were interested.

Both kids are very close to me and always treated me like that fatherly role model after Sam died. I was more than happy to fill it. I even promised Sam that I would and that if the kids ever asked me to walk them down the aisle or dance with them at their weddings, that I would. Or to offer if they ever seemed sad he wasn't there and weren't sure what to do.

I didn't need to ask because Kenna asked me the day she got engaged. She said she wanted Parker and me to do it. That I had the long history with her dad and Parker is just as much her dad's as she is. Parker and I both said yes.

Jason learned about Kenna asking Parker and me after Erica and Jason wondered why the three of us were planning dance lessons (Kenna wanted to do a special dance and figured some classes could help). Jason was upset. Erica was surprised that Kenna chose me and Parker over Jason and she asked me when Kenna asked and why I said yes. I told her I love Kenna with all my heart and I made a promise to Sam.

Later Jason came to see me and asked me why I said yes when I had to know he would have loved to be asked. He told me I saw him try to grow his relationship with the kids and instead of encouraging her toward him, her stepdad and the man who provided for the household for many years of her adolescents years, I accept it and allow such a big focus to be on Sam. Again. He said it feels like a very big f u to him and a reminder that no matter how long Sam is gone, he will always be put first and prioritized. He said he gets it but it hurts and it hurt more to realize even I don't care about him enough to encourage her to include him instead of me. He said Parker and him doing it would have said she wanted both him and Sam represented. But by asking me it's just Sam. He asked me why I didn't want to encourage that. He left after saying all that and then texted me a few days later saying he felt like I overstepped by agreeing to the role.


r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for asking my (45yo) sister for a contribution for staying at a hotel with me?


I (35f) live abroad and every Xmas I go back to my hometown to see family. As my mother lives alone in a small apartment, I pay to stay in a hotel for the week so I can have some space. My sister (45f) also lives 20 minutes away from my mother in her own small 1 bed apartment with her boyfriend.

I have booked a really cute small apartment with a cool city view for 5 days, it wasn’t very cheap but I’m happy to spend the money if it means not having to sleep on the floor of my mother’s one bed apartment, not only is it uncomfortable, but I struggle with my mental health (anxiety/depression) and it really gets me down to not have my own space.

Well, everything was fine up until my sister found out about the apartment and assumed she will crash with me as it’s so central and such a nice apartment and “so fun!!” to stay there a few days like a “staycation”, she had even told family about it.

I told her I’m paying a lot to have space for me, and if she wants to stay with me then she should have offered to pay a contribution at least.

…Well, that didn’t go well. She is furious with me and is telling all her friends and our family how selfish I am to have this entire place for myself. Her reasoning on the phone was “I AM FAMILY! Not a stranger! I am your SISTER! How dare you ask me for money like this”

TL;DR: Rented an apartment for myself to visit family for Xmas, sister assumed she’s staying with me and got angry when I told her she should offer to pay towards it.


Also some things to note:

She works full time, she lives close by and has a car of her own. The apartment I booked is a really nice 1.5bed (double bed and sofa bed). I only spent a lot on this as I booked last minute and lots of places were booked out, but also it’s a treat to myself.

r/AmItheAsshole 3h ago

AITA for refusing to share my Mcdonalds with my sister who didn't get her order packaged


So we ordered Mcdonalds and even though on the receipt it showed her order it wasn't actually in the bag. My mom and brother told me to share mine with her(hamburger, 6 chicken nuggets and medium fries) but I denied this. They said that she wouldn't have anything to eat that night however this is untrue because in the fridge she still has leftover lasagna, spaghetti and meatballs from last night's olive garden along with her leftover pancake from Ihop. Even after I told them that she could eat those they insisted that I share my food with her. I didn't let up and told her to eat something else and my mom said that she was disappointed in me for not sharing even though my brother didn't offer to share either

r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago

Asshole AITA for giving the niece who video called me first pick of her present instead of the niece who came to my house


I (29f) have two nieces, Joy and Kate (both 16). Joy is my sister’s and Zoe is my brother’s. Joy and Kate do a lot of activities together and share many milestones. They recently passed a certain level of the language they are both learning and the family all wished them congratulations.

I make handmade jewelry as a hobby. Nothing expensive but everyone often compliments me, saying my pieces are lovely. For passing the language level, I told Joy and Kate that I’m in the process of making two necklaces and they will each get one on a certain day.

I finished the necklace just the night before. In the morning, Joy video called me and said some emergencies on her father’s side of the family came up and she wouldn’t be able to go to my house. I told her it was OK and showed her the necklaces, one in green and one in yellow. Joy asked if she could have the green one and I said yes.

Later, Kate and her mom came to my house. My SIL said Joy probably wouldn’t stop by for the necklace today as she heard there was some emergency. I told her Joy already called me earlier and got her pick. Kate and her mother asked what did I mean and I showed them the necklaces, telling them the green one was for Joy and Kate could have the yellow one.

Kate complained that because she was so pale the yellow necklace won’t stand out as much with her skin tone and I should have kept the green one for her. My SIL said they came to see me first so they should get first pick, not Joy who called.

I told them the necklaces are both beautiful and made with love and I’m sure Joy will be happy to lend Kate her necklace sometimes. I know they are being entitled but I wonder if I am AH for how I treat the girls

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA for asking for a non religious baby shower?


My (f25) mom (52) is very religious and I grew up in a very strict “God is always watching" household. This has really pushed me away after a lot of debating and pushing my boundaries. I could go into all of that but that's not what the post is about. If you need more for a verdict I will put more down.

My husband and I are expecting our first child and are very excited! My mom wants to throw me a baby shower. I said she can but the only thing I ask is that it's not religious. And to my surprise she agrees without a fight! It was such a relief.

My aunt's and I get together to discuss baby shower a couple months later and I learn that 1) it will be held at a church 2) my aunt is doing a prayer for the baby. I'm in absolute shock. When I voice my thoughts on it. I'm shut down immediately and am told this is how baby showers all are. I pull my mom aside and say that she agreed with my request to make it non religious. She claims that she never agreed to that and that goes against her beliefs. I leave crying

Later that week, I call my mom with a compromise instead of a prayer. Let's read this poem instead. She says absolutely not. I canceled the baby shower because I was hurt and heart broken. My aunt messages me and says(short version) I'm a horrible daughter and how dare I ever ask her to do something non religious because it's not what she believes. And why am I lying to everyone because I agreed to have the prayer and approved everything at the meeting with the aunts. Her husband even heard me agree to it enthusiastically. Here's where I might be the asshole. I responded with “I did not agree to anything and that i thought you and my mom would respect me and my family. I want nothing to do with you because you have never respected me and my wishes ever. You're a vile woman.”

Is it wrong of me to ask for something non religious when that what they believe? I never feel respected or welcome when my aunt is around. My mom says people won't come to the shower if there isn't a prayer. My thoughts are how would they know? I thought I put up a good compromise. But it's my mom throwing the shower. My friends say I'm in the right to cancel but my dad (who has been a neutral party in all of this) says I should still have the shower. So reddit Aita?

r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for letting my nephew move in with me?


My nephew, Harvey, turned 18 in October. About a week after his birthday, I received a message from my 18 year old son, who is currently away at college, about how over the summer he had suggested to Harvey that once he turns 18 he should ask me about moving in to our house and his now vacated bedroom.

I live in a 5-bedroom house owned by my eldest son. As my kids have moved out and rooms have emptied, I've had various friends and family live with me. My 14 year old son is the only one of my kids left still living at home full-time. Two of my nieces live with me, with one of them being Harvey's 21 year old sister, Vanessa (and her 3 year old son).

Vanessa moved in with me a few months after graduating high school after she became pregnant with her son.

Around 5 years ago, Harvey and Vanessa's mom married their stepdad. They have 3 step siblings (17/19/22) who they do not get on with and they have a awful relationship with their stepfather.

Their mom is incredibly strict. She's one of those parents that got into a lot of trouble as a teenager/young adult and now takes it out on her kids and always expects the worse from them. This leads to her being super controlling and giving them very little freedom. Even at 17 she never let Harvey sleepover at my house and in one incident last year where he was still in my house after 10pm during my son's birthday party, she barged into my house and basically dragged him out.

My brother (their dad) is on the opposite end of the spectrum and is basically a dead beat. He went to prison in 2009 and only got out in 2020. He's been struggling since then to form a good relationship with his kids, although it has been improving with Vanessa.

I now somewhat regret saying yes after Harvey asked me if he could move in because it has created a lot of drama for the both of us. When he told his mom he was moving out she told him he couldn't and they got into a massive argument, but he did end up leaving.

Since then, his mom has been spreading to other parents in town that I kidnapped her son and trying to spread misinformation about my parenting and "neglect". She's been telling people I allow my kids to do drugs and alcohol, encourage them to have sex, and barely feed them. She's trying to use it as an excuse about why both her kids now want to live with me.

It's been hard for Harvey too and his mom has been causing a lot of drama at his school.

Several parents from the boy's school, even the ones that don't believe the rumours she's trying to spread about me, think I'm in the wrong. I got into a heated debate with one that essentially told me I was an asshole for getting in-between a parent trying to raise their son. Am I in the wrong for letting him move in before he graduates high school? Am I the asshole?

r/AmItheAsshole 4h ago

AITA for having my wedding in the same year as my sibling?


I (31M) have gotten engaged recently and am planning to have our wedding in Fall of 2024. One of my younger sisters is getting married in April of 2024. She has expressed to me that she thinks that me having our wedding in the same year as her is "stealing her moment" and expects my fiance and me to wait until either spring of 2025 (not the season we want to get married in) or for a full year in fall of 2025. I am the only boy out of us 4 siblings and she is the middle girl so she feels like her life and accomplishments have always been overshadowed by someone else in the family. However, I do not think that this constitutes me overshadowing a wedding that is 6 to 7 months apart. Additionally, there have been some events that have made her consider moving her wedding to spring of 2025 and if that were to happen she expects us to wait until 2026 to get married.

r/AmItheAsshole 5h ago

AITA for telling my(25M) GMIL (62) that my fiancee (24) deserves her own life and convincing her to move out?


My fiancee Annie's life has revolved around her mother (42) since she was born. My MIL is a very sweet woman who also happens to have a very serious genetic disability, and has had an extremely difficult life as a result. Annie has been denied a lot of opportunities for independence because of this. My GMIL, MIL's mother, has sort of pushed her into the role of an emotional support dog for her mom. She wasn't able to have friends over because they would be too stressful for her mother. She couldn't go to see friends either though, or be in any clubs or after-school activities, because her mother would throw a tantrum if she was away from her for too long. GMIL always drummed it into Annie's head that due to the extremely tragic circumstances surrounding her birth, she owes her mother everything she wants in order to make up for it.

I met Annie while I was in college, online, and we hit it off. We ended up on the phone for hours at a time, and when I graduated, I took a job in her area to be with her. GMIL never liked me, and tried for a long time to convince Annie that I was evil, and wanted to rip their family apart, and honestly, yeah, I do. I want to build a life with Annie. She's an amazing, wonderful woman who deserves to be able to have her own life, and I was recently able to convince her to marry me and run away together. We're going across the country after Christmas, and I've never felt brighter or lighter. Annie is the best person I know. We both want a big family, and a house in the woods, and we have all these plans that are just the kind of life I never thought I'd get, and she never thought she'd get either.

My GMIL found out. She saw Annie's discord messages, and she confronted us both yesterday. She says that without Annie's help, she won't be able to manage MIL, and she'll end up in a care facility. She also said that without Annie around, MIL will have nothing to live for, and brought up how Annie was conceived. Annie was crying, and apologizing, and I basically told GMIL that Annie didn't do anything wrong, and we were going no matter what. GMIL said I'm a "villainous interloper" who can't understand their family's values. She's right that MIL will break down without Annie. When she visited me for a week last year, she had to go back after four days because MIL had a complete breakdown and ended up in the hospital.

TL;DR: My fiancee and I want to move across the country and start our own lives, but her disabled mother can't cope with her leaving. AITA?

r/AmItheAsshole 7h ago

AITA bc I don’t think my spouse laughing at YouTube posts at 3:30 a.m. every morning is justifiable because I snore?


I have several medical problems. One issue is that I snore. I did a sleep study several years ago and they said I do not have sleep apnea and there really isn’t anything they can do about it. I even bought this strap that holds your mouth shut while you sleep. It was super uncomfortable, but I wore it anyway until my husband claimed it didn’t help. I can’t sleep in another room because of back pain. Unfortunately, I’m on meds for even another medical issue (I’m a mess) and one of the side affects is it is very difficult to fall asleep. Therefore, I usually lay awake until around midnight. My spouse is angry about the snoring so has taken to waking every morning around 3:30am and he goes onto YouTube and reacts by laughing loudly and reacting to his podcasts with “yeah,” “are you kidding me,” etc… Not only does this wake me up, but then I struggle to go back to sleep. Just as I start to doze off, he’ll laugh again. I’ve told him how difficult this is for me but he claims I’m the a-hole because I snore which disturbs his sleep and that justifies what he is doing.

r/AmItheAsshole 21h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for calling my family out for going behind my back at my wedding


I (33) F recently got married to my husband (36) M. Leading up to our wedding we had no issues. The wedding was pretty laid back, not many guidelines, the only significant one being no children unless they were in the wedding (1 flower girl, 2 jr bridesmaids, 1 ring bearer). I knew that my aunt didn’t like this rule from the beginning. It’s not that we don’t like kids, we simply did not have the capacity for them. Fast forward to the wedding day. Things were going really well & I was speaking with some other guests when my aunt comes up to me with her teenage daughter and announces that she brought her anyways, & that she didn’t think it was a big deal. I was stunned & didn’t really know what to do, & didn’t want to cause a scene. I hugged her, excused myself, and that was that. The next day I was speaking with my sister about the incident & she told me to read thru my texts from that day. My MOH had my phone for most of the day, but my sister had warned me that this was going to happen & that this had been the plan the entire time. She wanted her daughter there & she was going to sneak her in behind my back. On top of that, I had also found out that my aunt had been rude to many of my guests; ignoring them when they said hi, or straight glaring at them. I decided I was not going to let this go & was going to text my aunt about her behavior. I texted my father & step mother letting them know I was going to be messaging my aunt about her behavior at my wedding & was just giving them a heads up because drama spreads thru my family like wild fire. I honestly thought they would ignore the text & go on with their lives like they normally do, but instead they became incredibly rude. Apparently they had told her it was ok to bring her regardless of my wishes. I was told I was being overly emotional, I was overreacting & that they were well within their right to do so. They made the decision and that was that. ( I will note that they were not involved with any of the wedding. They had made it clear from the beginning that they did not want to be involved) I replied back that I was hurt by their behavior, that they did not have the right to do that, & that they were incredibly rude to my husband & I. I told them I would be sending a message to my aunt anyways & that was that. They did not like this. I sent the text to my aunt telling her the rule was in place for a reason, that we did not have the capacity for kids, & that her behavior to my guests was unacceptable. I went so far to ask her if there was something going on and that I hoped that she was alright. My younger sister sided with my parents, and we haven’t spoken since. I know it has spread around my family that I was disrespectful for not inviting my cousin to begin with and for sticking up for myself to my parents and aunt.


r/AmItheAsshole 23h ago

Not the A-hole AITA for yelling at my father and pointing out his favouritism to my twin brother during a family gathering?


Some background information: My brother (21) and I (21) will be graduating from college this year. My brother majored in pre-med and will start medical school this fall at a regional school, with all expenses covered by our father. On the other hand, I took out loans for my undergraduate studies and was fortunate enough to receive a scholarship to attend a non-Ivy League ( not a even a T 14 relevant later).

When I came out as gay at 18, my father told me that he would still like to have a relationship with me but wouldn't be financially supporting my education.Because firstly, he no longer saw me as a realible man he can depend on in his old age ,secondly I can't give him biological grandchildren and thirdly , he disapproved of my decision to pursue a career in law instead of medicine.

Now, onto the actual story: My two aunts their husbands and my cousins came to visit us ..We were all sitting in the living room, having a casual conversation before dinner, when my father, as usual, started praising my brother and expressing how proud he was of him for getting into medical school.

At this point, my grandma asked about my plans after college, and I shared that I had been accepted into X law school.

My grandma responded positively, saying, "That's great!"

However, my father, with a chuckle, made a comment, "Well, it's not like it's an Ivy League school."

Perhaps it was the influence of alcohol, but I couldn't help but blurt out, "Maybe if you had paid for my college and I didn't have to work part-time tocover the costs of the LSAT , courses, and admission fees, I could have had the opportunity to attend an Ivy League school."

My grandma asked for clarification, so I proceeded to explain everything, including the fact that I am gay. Expectedly, she didn't respond positively to that and sided with my father. So I told them they can both fuck off and that I never want to see them again

Afterward, I received several messages from my supportive aunt and cousins, expressing their opinion that I was in the wrong for shouting at my father and grandma. They believed that I should have shown more respect, especially considering their age and the fact that the whole family was there, even if we disagreed. So, AITA?.

r/AmItheAsshole 1d ago

Asshole AITA for not reprimanding my daughter for a video she posted about my stepdaughter even though what she said was true?


Brief history- my husband has a daughter, "Edith" (27F) from his first marriage. He divorced his ex when Edith was 7, but she apparently had a hard time with the split, and moving houses, etc. He and I met and married when Edith was 10. Together, we now have "Cecilee" (15F) and "Peter" (10M).

Edith has always been aloof with our children. She was never particularly interested in them, although both kids, Cecilee especially, would've loved a closer relationship with her. I did bring up to my husband a few times that I was worried about Edith not being closer to her siblings. He responded that her ambivalence was better than he expected, given how hard she took the divorce, and he did not want to rock the boat. I was not happy with this but I let it rest. He and Edith are pretty close, but she barely speaks to me, Cecilee or Peter.

Cecilee has mostly gotten over her desire to be close to Edith. I used to see her perk up when she saw her at family functions a few years ago, making a point to sit close to her, or talk to her. She does not do that anymore, and is polite but not super eager when we see Edith now.

So to the current situation- Cecilee recently discovered a tik tok account of Edith's cousin. Apparently Edith has her sleepover in her condo (she lives in a big, "fun" city), and they go to events. They seem to be very close. This opened up a whole lot of feelings for Cecilee and she got upset and responded to the video saying "That's my sister. And she barely talks to me".

Literally, that's all she said. But she got quite a response with people giving opinions for both sides. Apparently, someone figured out Edith's instagram, and were sending her harassing messages. I definitely feel awful about that. However, I refused to reprimand or punish my daughter. She only said the truth. My husband is upset as Edith skipped thanksgiving at our place this year, and he thinks punishing Cecilee will help his and Edith's relationship.


r/AmItheAsshole 9h ago



I (F22) and my baby daddy (M25) found out about my pregnancy earlier this year. I was a student at the University of the South Pacific in Fiji and had met him here. He was a cousin of a close friend of mine and had actually met at my bd's home where my friend took us to for a house party.

We hung out eventually, he asked me out and we went back together to the dorms at school. We continued seeing each other and lost contact after I went home for semester break. This was 2years ago. Fast forward to earlier this year we met again at my home town. We got back together and things went pretty smoothly after that.

He made his way home without telling me and had introduced himself to my family as my boyfriend. I started to realize that this relationship is gonna be serious. Every time we talked about having a family he always said that he wanted 5kids even though I said I'll be fine with 2. He was all sweet and all treating me right promising that he would marry me because fate had brought us together.

He left shortly after to return to work and I had called him to say that I've missed my period. He insisted I go take a p-test at our health center. It turned out positive so i started calling him and guess what? NO ANSWER. I figured he must be busy so i went to my uncle , who was also his uncle (he was my uncle through marriage but his by blood, they were from the same village)

As per our customs my uncle will present kava to my parents to tell them the news about my pregnancy. My uncle called his cousin sister (my baby daddy's mom) and told him her son had got me pregnant. Few hours later my BD called me angry and telling me why I had called his mom about the news.

I later found out that reason he wanted to hide my pregnancy was because he already has 4kids but was divorced. He stopped talking to me after that and I was hurt and mad at him for toying with my feeling and for hiding something important.

I made up my mind that I would raise my kid on my own. We stopped staying in touch when I was 2 months pregnant. Since then I've bought stuffs for my kids and getting prepared for labor. I'm 8 months pregnant now and he just contacted me a week ago asking for forgiveness telling me he'd come home and seek forgiveness from my parents and wants to be a father to our child. I told him he had his chance and he's probably doing this because he wants a son as he has 4 daughters from his previous marriage.

Now AITA for doing this?

Edit: I forgot to mention that I recently found out that all his children are raised by their grandparents and he's unemployed atm. We have the same uncle but our villages are far so I didn't know until we dated.