A place for members of r/AITAH to chat with each other
My (40F) 18 yo daughter " Ava" dropped out of high school after getting pregnant by her then boyfriend, who is 19. Ava will be 19 soon, has no job and a 10 month old baby.
Her boyfriend " Andrew" moved from Jacksonville FL to Miami for college. He never actually broke up with Ava but instead told her that they were still together and even went as far as to leave a sleeping bag and other toiletries in her room to " show" her that they were essentially a family
Now he has changed his number and blocked Ava on social media after accusing her of cheating so this could not be his baby. He ignores all communication offering for him to prove he's not the dad.
I have been handling Ava with kid gloves, but here is the situation. I am a single mom, and Ava is my second child of three. My older daughter, 20F lives at home but works weekends as a barista, and just got a job working 3 hours a week doing Quickbooks for a church, all while studying to be an ultrasound tech. She pays $150 a month in rent and if she wants new clothes or to eat out, that's all her.
My youngest son is 10 and it's obviously my responsibility to pay for what my ex's support payments won't cover.
However, Ava seems to think that because she technically can qualify as a high school " Super Senior" that she is essentially still a high schooler who can come home and expect that her food, shelter, and new clothes plus "Fun" expenses are covered, no questions asked.
And that the biggest problem with Andrew going silent is the fact that he's a jerk and some college girl has " stolen" him away. That is not adult thinking and I'm getting worried that Ava will never get it if I don't spell it out for her.
I told her that she either has to show me concrete proof that she's working towards a GED and then if she passes, some sort of useful certification ( in which case I'll let her stay for free), or she needs to get a job. Ask her sister if any restaurants are hiring. If a gym needs a front desk clerk. Whatever.
She told me she would rather just " do high school." I said ok- but either way, employed or not, Andrew is the dad and just because he's 19 doesn't mean he should get off any easier than a 39 year old who got his wife pregnant and then left.
But Ava got angry and either Andrew or his siblings got it into her head that if she filed, he would lose his scholarship or be forced out of college. And that the judge would probably say that Andrew cannot make any money in college so she gets no support.
I told her she does not understand how much diapers and everything else costs, and if she does not file for support, she is about to find out because I'm kicking her out with $100 dollars and that's it. And then if she needs diapers she can go to the grocery store and see what the total comes out to. AITA? I also printed out flyers about government social programs and taped it to her door.
EDIT: I'd also like to add that my daughter considered abortion but Andrew, whose family is Mormon, said that she'd go to hell if she did that. And that even thinking of going on the Planned Parenthood website would require her to repent.
AITAH for no longer accepting sex from my boyfriend in the middle of the night while I’m in a deep sleep?
My boyfriend and I have been together for about 4 years and share multiple kids together. My boyfriend has a way higher sex drive than I do, however, we still have great sex about once a day, sometimes more than that. So our bedroom definitely isn’t dead.
The problem is the fact my boyfriend keeps trying to wake me up to have sex in the most annoying hours of the night, I’m talking 3 or 4am. I used to just have sleepy sex and go back to bed, but lately especially with our newborn, I’m damn tired! I can’t wake up for sex and it’s seriously grating my nerves when he tries because he is relentless. He will try to pull down my shorts, I’ll pull them back up, he pokes me with his penis, whispers in my ear, tries to put his hand down my pants, etc. it puts me in such a bad mood to be woken up lately especially for sex when like I said we have it pretty much once a day sometimes more.
I have told him this multiple times that I don’t like it lately. But when he gets “rejected” in the morning as he calls it, he will mumble under his breath about how i never want him, how no wonder he watches so much porn, that it’s sad his girlfriend never touches him, how I used to love it, etc…he huffs and puffs, turns away from me and moves to the opposite side of the bed… when like I said. WE HAVE SEX EVERY DAY. and it’s not good enough.
Anyways AITAH for no longer waking up at 4am to accept sex? Am I really that abnormal for prioritizing my sleep and actually feeling really disrespected and annoyed by this ?
My wife (45F) and I (47M) were on a date night last night which was going well until our marriage-old (18 years) argument started up. (Probably not relevant, but the argument is: buy a bigger house or learn to be happy in the home we have)
This argument began as we were driving home at 9 pm. Our kids were at home (13 & 10) and are just old enough to be left home alone for a few hours. We were three miles from home on a dark, divided, 4 lane parkway when my wife pulled off to a side street and said she was walking home. She got out and started walking in the direction of our house. I told her to take her phone with her, but she didn’t respond. Her phone was in her purse, so I took her purse and put it on the sidewalk where we pulled over, and yelled that her purse was on the corner with her phone. I got in the car and yelled through my passenger window that she should go back and get her purse with her phone. She didn’t respond. I wasn’t trying to play a game so I decided to get the purse and leave her alone.
In order to get back to the purse, I had to drive a half-mile to make a U-turn. In the dark I couldn’t see her. By the time I got back to the purse it was gone. My phone was dead and we had no charger in the car. I looked for her on the sidewalk walking home but I couldn’t see her. I drove home, said hello to the kids and grabbed a battery for my phone. When my phone was powered up, I checked for her location, but found that sharing was turned off (I didn’t realize that she had done this a couple of weeks prior to this.) I called, but the phone went right to voicemail. I drove back and drove the whole route home that she should’ve been walking, but couldn’t see her.
Now, the area she was walking was relatively safe in terms of crime, but she was walking by a roadside memorial to a mom and child that had been killed by a distracted driver. I’m not panicking, but there is an element of risk. I got back home and asked the kids to help me look for her, which understandably alarmed them. I said she just wanted to walk home and I wanted to make sure she had her phone.
My son was in the from seat with a high-powered flashlight shining on the side of the road. He eventually saw her (the sidewalk was about 30 feet from the road). I called out, “Do you have your purse?”
Me: “Do you want a ride?”
So I left her alone to walk. The kids were concerned because she was still about 1.5 miles from home, so we made one more pass so they coukd she was okay. We got home and I got them ready for bed. Enough time had passed and she hadn’t gotten home, so I went back out to the car with the kids to sleep in bed to go look for her. As I start the car, I see that she’s in the passenger seat fully reclined, lying down, and I say “Fuck me!” Because it scared me.
I went to bed, and we said nothing more about it or anything and went to bed.
Then this morning we went out as a family to see a movie, and my son said to her that he was worried about her last night when we were looking for her.
She gave me an angry look, and said “You brought them with you?! Real nice parenting involving the kids.”
So now she’s mad that I left her purse and involved the kids.
AITAH for telling my boyfriend I'll break up with him if he sleeps at his ex-wife and kids' house for Christmas?
Hello! I have a relationship with a 41M and he has 4 kids from his previous relationship. His youngest kid is currently 3 years old. He currently lives with his mom and his younger sister. I’ve accept the fact that his kids will come first always. And I’ve accept situations that I might not feel 100% comfortable with.
For example, if his ex-wife needs to go out of town, he stays at her house with the kids and he even sleeps in her bed. I really don’t like the fact that he sleeps in room they used to share (since there no guest room). I just don’t feel comfortable with that but I’ve accepted it, since it’s “easier” for him to stay there for his 4 kids.
Now, with the Christmas… The past years, he has taken his kids with his side of the family. And on New Year’s the ex-wife has the kids. Although, on both days both of the parents take time to share with the 4 kids. They even go shopping for the gifts and give them to the children together, as a way to showing the kids both of their parents are there. A week ago, he told me he was thinking on spending Christmas Eve at his ex-wife’s and kids house, because kids love opening gifts and he wants to be there when they wake up. His ex-wife also has a boyfriend.
When he told me this, I was completely in shock… I told him that as a father that was a really kind gesture for his kids, but as a man with a partner, is not healthy for the relationship he wants to build with me (and even his ex with her new boyfriend). Besides, I also told him to forgive me if I was going to cross the line, but I also thought this was confusing for the kids… Kids with divorced parents will always dream for their parents to go back together. So what message are his ex and him sending to the kids? I know this is not my problem, and my only concern is us two and our relationship. I an effort of understanding, I offer him to stay at my place (since my house is a little closer than his mom’s house) so he could stay until really late on Christmas Eve with his kids and he could go back really early on Christmas morning, before the kids wake up. I just see completely unnecessary for him to sleep in that house. He told me that "I needed to trust him" and that “he was only doing this for his kids”. So I told him, again, that as my partner, it was not healthy for our relationship. So I told him this was a boundary I was not willing to compromise. Because even though he’s priority is to be a father, he’s also someone’s partner. And if he’s not willing to respect my boundaries, I’ll rather break up. His mother also got involved two days ago when she told him I needed to “suck it up” because his kids will always come first. So tell me… AITAH?
CLARIFICATION: Neither her ex's partner or myself will be there since both parents are not in a position to introduce us to the kids yet. Also, as I mentioned above, there's no guest room (that's why he sleeps in her ex's room when he stays with the kids).
Please read my OP and previous update:
But a TL:DR; Ex stole money, destroyed hundreds of dollars worth of stuff, threatened my daughter and I’s life, and tried to kill me but police told me it wasn’t anything more than a petty civil issue and sided with him.
My OP got a lot of attention but then my account got shadowbanned and was temporarily removed. I just updated 5 days ago but this will be my final update because there is nothing anyone can do. I was encouraged to go back to the police station after my last update.
On Saturday December 9th I went back AGAIN. This time I printed out the threatening text messages that included the target practice sheets he sent, I explained in detail about the “accidents” proving he was trying to hurt me, and I even had my landlord put in writing that he believed our lives were in danger after seeing everything I was showing the police and let me leave my lease early. I brought in the destroyed medical supplies and medications.
The police said they had already talked to him and said he didn’t do any of it. He told them my daughter probably destroyed her stuff because she is “special ed”. She has very mild Asperger's but doesn’t destroy things! Since it was his word against mine they believed him. I didn’t have proof he stole the money or that it even existed in the first place. I was told the epi pen was my responsibility and they won’t do anything if it’s lost. I was told to “let it go” and acted like I was bothering the police with my “petty civil issues”.
I am so defeated and angry. My daughter isn’t going to have gifts for Christmas because I have to save for a new deposit on an apartment. We have been staying in motels while I was reaching out to DV resources. I can’t get help without a restraining order/ police report. Every place is out of funds. He is getting away with everything and I’m so glad we got out because there is no doubt in my mind he would have gotten away with my murder.
I know this sounds like my last update but that is what happened…nothing new. No justice. No repercussions for him. He gets to stay in the apartment. My landlord offered me another unit across town but I can’t afford to move in. This exact situation is why I had money stashed away because no one has ever cared about me/us and I knew that. There is nothing else I can do.
My fiance informed me that in his family they do a bedding ceremony, yup that type of ceremony where the family watches the two newly wed have sex to see if they actually had sex. I've heard about this when I read many medieval books when I was younger but I never knew people still did this, it's not common for me to hear or see. My fiance and I are both 25 so pretty young to be getting married but we have been together for 5 years
I felt really uncomfortable when he told me this because it's just weird to me, my fiance said that it would be fine and it would end soon. Would I be overreacting if I cancelled the wedding? I don't even feel safe around him after that comment because he shouldn't be agreeing with them but I have to realize that is his family tradition.
Our wedding is in 3 months so I wanted some opinions because I really don't have anyone to talk to about this. Have you guys had to do this at your wedding?
Edited: I'm very grateful for everyone's comment and you guys are really helping me through the situation, not too many people believe it and that's perfectly fine because this is not something we are familiar with and we don't really normalize this stuff in this century. My fiance is that his mother's house so when he comes back I will definitely be having a talk with him about the wedding, you guys are really helping me like seriously I do appreciate everyone. It's really extraordinary to think that people still do this, I don't want to be humiliated by my in-laws and then have to live with that memory for the rest of my life so I will not be going through this wedding. I hope you guys are proud of me. I see everyone educating me on the history of this and I do appreciate it, I'm not going through the wedding so I just want to make that clear. He hasn't been home since that argument but I did talk to him today and he said he might come today so we can talk so I want to see how that plays out and I will definitely update you guys. 💜
I 30f tried to surprise my family 27m and daughter turning 1yr for putting the Christmas Tree up before my partner woke up.
When he saw the tree, he scoffed, “you’ve put the tree without us?
He went with his attitude all day and then he was pushing me to apologise for putting the tree up without them because it was tradition.
I had enough and grabbed the tree and put it away. He then yelled at me for being childish and that I ruined our first daughter’s christmas. He yelled that he was going to cancel what he booked. Am I the a**hole for putting the tree away?
-edit: added info
- this wasn’t our first Christmas together and since i have been putting up the Christmas tree by myself, if i have waited for him it wouldn’t have been done or it would’ve been really late.
- it was never in my family tradition so i have no clue that it was important for him. He hasn’t even mentioned anything about doing it as a family.
AITAH for not looking for an arranged marriage for my daughter after she had an interracial child out of wedlock?
My daughter growing up was exceptionally bright, all GT and AP classes, went to a top Public University. While she was in school she gets into this relationship with this guy call him John.
Initially she tells us John also went to the same school as her but we later discover that was a lie. And in reality he worked random jobs. In her junior year she ends up getting pregnant by him we beg her to abort the baby. She ends up leaving that semester and we end up helping her raise our grandson. John says he is going to Miami and disappears. My daughter moved back in with us and we raised our grandson while she finished her degree online.This whole process we all have gotten close again and we love our grandson. About 1 year and 4 months ago she moved out to her own apartment near by and got a job as well.
She has been dating and meeting guys on her own now and hasn’t had much luck. She now has been asking me and my wife to introduce her to guys through the Indian community with good jobs that are looking to settle down.
.The fact that she already has a kid and the fact that the kid is half black and the fact she was never married either makes it so much worse. Me asking around just brings more drama to our family and harms our social relationships. Daughter doesn’t see this way she sees it as another form of punishment from us. From what I can tell she doesn’t like the work and effort of being a single parent and thinks her only way of improving her work life balance is finding a man to help split the effort. We have tried to tell her softly that she should stick to Americanized dating as we don’t think she would have a lot of luck.
However, she kept pressing us to help her find a guy. The reality is that having children out of wedlock is not part of Indian culture at all, and two the fact that her son is half black will also make it impossible to find a match. She has pressed us to try despite that. But there are two things, 1. Not one person has expressed interest in our daughter, at weddings, prayers no one has approached us to ask us if our daughter was open to meeting their son. 2. I feel that us asking around will make our family look worse if anything and damage our relationships with people in the community.My wife and I have had tense discussions with our daughter, and she views us bad guys.
I have 3 daughters 17,8 and 7
Recently I had planned to go on a weekend long trip to Paris with a few of my old friends
We had hired a babysitter to watch my younger children but just an hour before I left the babysitter cancelled due to a family emergency I had to leave fast and no other babysitters would come on such short notice I ended up telling my daughter she had to watch our children she was bummed as she was planning on hanging out with my friends but she understood
I called my mother who was able to come the next evening but she had to watch her sister for almost 24 hours and some of my family are saying I should have cancelled the trip instead
I feel really bad because she was planning on going out with friends and I'm wondering if I should have just cancelled the trip
Hi everyone, I’d just like to give a quick thanks to all of the people that shared their advice/judgement, I heavily appreciate it.
Now, this morning I was able to talk to my husband and ask him why he told the kids they had a chance to get a dog. He then responded saying that he thought I was over with what happened to me and that him and the kids really wanted one. I then told him how I don’t want a dog and don’t think I ever will. After that we were able to chat for a good 30 minutes and agreed to settle for a different pet other than a dog.
And as for my kids I sat them down and told them what happened to me and how I wasn’t comfortable with having a dog in the house. They took this surprisingly well but I could tell they were still a little sad. I then told them that we could settle for another pet of their liking which they were very happy with.
They are currently still looking so any recommendations would be nice 😂. And again I’d just like to make a thanks to everyone that commented even if I wasn’t able to see it. Thank you!
I (F32) and my husband (M34) have been married for 5 years. Nine months ago, I gave birth to our child, which was an unplanned pregnancy. I didn't want it, but my husband begged me not to have an abortion. He said he would take on the primary caregiving role. I agreed to keep the baby but made it clear that I wouldn't be a traditional mother. I have a company that I founded 3 years ago, and it's growing significantly. I love my work and don't want to give it up.
My husband works remotely as a programmer. He said he would take care of our child during the day, and I would help in the evenings and on weekends. I thought it was a good arrangement, but things aren't going well. My husband is exhausted and stressed. He says he can't focus on work, and our child cries a lot. He asks me to take care of the baby for a few hours, but I can't. I have meetings, projects, and deadlines to meet. I also need some time for myself to relax and take care of my health.
I try to help my husband when I can, but he says it's not enough. I've suggested hiring a babysitter, but he thinks it's "wasting money." He knew I didn't want to be a mother and that I had other priorities. He was the one who wanted the baby, so he should take responsibility. AITAH?
This is a throwaway account. Also sorry for any mistakes.
I (34f) am happily married to my husband who we’ll call “Mike”, (35m) and we’ve been married for 12 years and have two children. (9f) and (7m).
Now this doesn’t really matter so I’ll cut to the chase. I hate dogs. Now before people attack me this is because of an incident that happened when I was 19. Basically what happened was, when I was on my way home an unleashed dog attacked me and bit down on my ankle. and unfortunately it took a good amount of time for the owner to get the dog off me which resulted in a pretty good sized scar on my ankle.
Since then I’ve been an active disliker of them. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate people with dogs and I won’t shame you for having one, I just don’t like being around them and distance myself when I’m near one if possible.
So as you can imagine, when me and my husband first met he told me about how he liked dogs and how he wanted one in the future. I immediately told him that I hated dogs so it was best if we ended the relationship and move on with our lives, but he insisted that he could live without dogs and it was fine.
So fast forward to today he asks if I want to get a dog. This surprised me and at first I asked if he was joking and when he said no I told him absolutely not. I told him how we had this conversation so long ago and my answer was never going to change. He then replied saying that he already told the kids there’s a chance we could get a dog but he has to ask me. I then said that we could get a cat, a gerbil or whatever but I wasn’t getting a dog.
I then told him to tell the kids no because we weren’t gonna get one. Well he ended up telling them that we couldn’t get a dog because I said no, so now I’m seen as the bad guy and I’m just so fed up.
But now I’m seriously wondering if I should just suck it up for my kids sake and just get one? I have no idea at this point so, Reddit AITA?
Edit: Thank you to all of the people who commented I appreciate it, I also have made an update for those who want to see it! update:
I (36f) have a friend, we'll call her Shelli (37f). One of her last visits to my house she was explaining how she is seriously considering filing for divorce from her husband. This rather shocked me, as I though her and her husband (Let's call him Jon) were actually really good in terms of their relationship.
I was curious as to why, as I always thought John was a good man. Her answer shocked me. Was it cheating? Nope. Was it abuse? Nope. Was it an addiction of some sort? Also nope.
Apparently, about a month ago they were looking to buy a new car to replace their aging one. They wanted an SUV as they have two small children and need the space. Well John agreed that the car they wanted was a good one, he's into cars so he knows what to look for, how to negotiate, etc. John found out that the specific trim is available with a package that gives you a better stereo, cooled seats (which as you can imagine is a plus in FL) and other goodies. Apparently, this car with that feature package is hard to find and a few thousands dollars more expensive.
Shelli told me that she specifically told Jon *not* to buy the car with that feature package. Not because he might have to travel 50 miles to a dealer that has one in stock, but because of the cost. I asked her if that's due to an affordability or budget issue, she says no. Apparently, they can easily afford it, but Shelli doesn't see the need in adding extras to a deprecating asset that they may not be able to recoup once they trade it in. So what happens? Jon comes home with their brand new SUV.... then she sees the window sticker and it has the feature package. Apparently she flipped out.
I sarcastically asked her, "Did you understand once you turned on the cooled seats when it was 85 degrees outside?" She said "It isn't about the cooled seats. It's about him completely disregarding what I told him and this isn't the first time."
Apparently, last year their multifunction printer that they had for years broke. Jon told me that it started spewing ink everywhere and the cost to fix it would be close to that of a new one, so he decided to just replace it. But Shelli told him to only spend up to 200 dollars on one and to try to find one where the ink cartridges don't costs an arm and a leg. Apparently because according to her, "no sense in paying more for something that is going to be obsolete in 3 years." So what does he do? He buys one that costs 300 dollars (His excuse was that the retailer had a sale on it for a little less) because he told her "If I see a multifunction printer for 200 dollars or less I'm asking 'what's wrong with it'?" However, Shelli was also upset that he choose a printer where the ink cartridges are close to 70 dollars each (there's 4) and only available direct from the manufacturer. Apparently he did his research and they "last a really long time."
Finally, he has decided to save up money to see one his favorite rock bands live. Shelli told him to wait until they come down local to us. He refused and is still putting money to the side. Apparently, in case he needs to fly a plane, rent a car, hotel, etc. Shelli does not see the value in doing that, but he still insists on doing it because "you only live once." She also thinks that he wants to see this band live because they are an all-female group and he commented one day, "I like watching their live videos on Youtube so much better than the studio audio recordings," so she thinks his eyes might be deceiving his ears a little on them.
I asked Shelli if breaking up a marriage and making their kids grow up in a broken home over cooled seats, a better printer and saving up for a concert is really worth it. In fact it's a really stupid reason. She tells me "what would you do if your partner kept breaking boundaries? He even refuses to stick to what I tell him to buy at the food market, if I tell him to only buy the 5 dollar pasta sauce, he'll buy the 10 dollar jar just because." I jokingly tell her, "does it taste good at least?" Shelli then says "not for nothing but you're being a bit of an asshole here" and left my house. She hasn't spoken to me since.
Side note: Word got around to another friend, Stan. He's also a car guy, and he says that Shelli is making too much of a big deal of the SUV. Because if the feature package is really hard to find, it will actually increase the resale value on it. He also said "Not for nothing but your friend is going to be a reason why certain people in positions of power want to repeal no-fault divorce. You don't end your marriage because hubby sprung for the cooled seats."
But am I really the asshole here? I don't think so, but your mileage may vary.
ETA: Holy bejesus this blew up. I am going to add this for context here, that I forgot to mention previously. TW for mention of SA. Buckle up.
They both make about equal amounts of money, but it's the backstory that counts here. Jon used to be a "lifer" at a job that is largely considered a "stepping stone" (CSR at a contact center) and was living with his parents, despite making decent money he had very little disposable income after the bills were paid (Apparently, he wanted to be the good son after his parents started having health issues, etc). Things changed when Jon managed to find a fantastic job that paid, shall we say a ton more money with a lot more vacation time. The way he looked at it, everything he could not get before because of budget constraints he was able to get now. He said to me, "Now if a band I really want to see is playing nowhere near close to my area I can afford to travel to see them and make a mini-vacation out of it instead of missing out." Despite the extra money, Jon looks at the value for money in things. When it came time to buy a new car, he wanted a V series Blackwing Cadillac sedan but knew that A) if it got door dinged in a parking lot he would have a meltdown and B) He wasn't relishing the thought of spending all his extra money on gas and tires to feed it. So be bought a regular family sedan from a mainstream brand and saved a ton of money. As he told me, "I am in a position where I was able to buy it brand new loaded with all options with a huge down payment instead of having to wait 3 years and hope to find a used version that may or not have been properly maintained."
Jon is also 10 years Shelli's senior. They met in a very unusual way. He won a contest from a local radio show that was a rather large cash prize (This was also around the time he got his awesome new job) and he was asked if he can come in the studio to talk about it. While there the radio station had a young reporter from a local news paper cover the win for an article. That woman was Shelli. Apparently Jon thought she was hot, figured "you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take" and asked her out right then and there. He figured a good looking woman like that would be taken but she was single. Now keep in mind that Jon is a good dude (as they say) but he is not the type of man you can see Shelli going out with (dork type that is average at best). Still, they hit it off and started dating. Jon used part of the money he won to pay off his parent's mortgage and moved in with Shelli after a few months of dating.
When they were dating, Shelli loved that he was willing to splurge with restraint. But when they announced they were getting married, Jon's mother invited Shelli over to her house and told her "You have to keep that man in check. He has a 'you can't take it with you' attitude with regards to spending money and he buys stuff just because he feels like he now can. If you have kids, it's going to suck when the baby needs diapers and he tells you he just dropped a grand or more so he can travel to see a band out of state." Those were his mother's exact words to Shelli. So she has taken that literally and tries to, well... keep him in check with everything he does.
To the people who say, "She is looking for a way out and is looking for any excuse to do it." You would not be the first to think that. I honestly think that Jon was an emotional rebound guy for her simply because he is the exact opposite of her previous partners, who didn't treat her well. The first was a man that she was having casual hookups with (He was "handsome and muscular") but decided to "officially" date, on their first "official" date after he drove her to her house she gave him "the cheek" when he tried to kiss her and he responded by forcing himself into her apartment, pinning her against her hallway and tried to SA her (Not tried to, he was literally groping her and trying to rip her dress off). The only reason why he stopped and ran off is because an old man was strolling by, saw it and yelled at him to stop. She declined to press charges because the man kept going around telling people "she was wearing a skimpy halter dress that showed cleavage and sideboob the only reason to wear that on a 1st date is if you are looking to get f*cked so I was pissed that she gave me the cheek" so she was afraid people where going to think she was asking for it. The 2nd man was a rich dude that got wealthy from "hard work" close to 20 years her senior but he was always late coming home from meetings, taking his work home with him and basically treated her like an afterthought. During a fight they had he actually told her, "Lady I have options I can upgrade from you at any time." She dumped him right after that. Her brain was probably rewired to be repelled by those type of men. So here comes Jon, a man who is *not* "handsome and muscular" and also makes good money but is in a position to have time to spend with her. The only problem is, once her brain goes back to normal, I was afraid she is going to wake up one day, see Jon and think "Oy my god what I am doing?" You could be right. It's too bad kids are involved, as people are saying. Meanwhile Jon tolerates her "controlling behavior" as you guys call it because he "got the woman of his dreams" and is constantly saying he "kicked outside his range and managed to score" so why would he want to give it up.
Advice Needed AITAH for telling my (21F) family that my partner (21M) forced a paternity test on me? UPDATE
EDIT : Before any more comments are made about my position about his parents. There’s more to it than just the test. I had always stressed to my partner that I wanted his mother specifically at a distance from our child. This was due to how horrific she treated us both for the first year of our relationship prior to us moving out together. Secondly, the woman is bipolar and abused my partner both physically and mentally when he was growing up as a child due to him having ADHD and being more hyper (this is what he told me at least.) Knowing this, I’m obviously weary of his mother around my daughter, the paternity test was just the nail on the coffin for me.
Update: So two days ago my partner’s mother received the results of the paternity test which, of course, showed my partner to be the father. They immediately called him super ecstatic and ready to take their place in the life of my daughter. My partner was also incredibly happy as well since we would now be receiving their support due to the confirmation of my daughter being his. (For reference, since he’s studying and doesn’t work his family pays for his school and his half of bills. I on the other hand, work and pay my half of bills myself. In other words he’s reliant on then financially despite my insistence that we could survive off my salary.) To his dismay though, with the confirmation of his paternity assured, I told him I wanted a break from him and his family’s antics (this is not the first stunt they pull that antagonizes me) and before this is flooded with questions as to why I didn’t leave sooner. I was naive and thought our love for each other would beat their disapproval of our relationship. It wasn’t, that is clear to me now. We ended up arguing over it but, against his wishes, I packed a bag for me and the baby anyways and drove to stay with my parents. He apologized at night and agreed that his part in the entire paternity stunt was messed up but that he agreed it had to be done even if he was certain she was his. Fast forward to yesterday he texted me asking if I was willing to see him as he missed me and the baby. I agreed, assuming we could move past the whole ordeal. My family is still against him stepping foot in their house so we ended up meeting at a park to walk around. He apologized again and told me that the test was done so his family could trust me and willingly be apart of our daughter’s life. Thought I admitted that I had no intentions of letting them be around her till they at least apologize to me. This heated him up and he began screaming claiming that as her father I had no right to keep her from his family no matter what they did. I disagreed though, advising him that if they couldn’t respect me they had no reason to be apart of her life. The argument went nowhere and I left with the baby back to my parents. He’s since been texting and calling me saying that he’d take me to court if I deprive his family access to her. I don’t think my position on the matter is wrong but to him I’m an AH for it.
TLDR : My partner and I are on a break from each other but on said break we began arguing about his family’s ability to see her, as I don’t want them to since they can’t respect me.
The title is how she phrased it. I don’t really agree. Was removed from the main sub due to violence briefly being touched.
My daughter Lisa is 24. She is incredibly smart, kind and gentle. She graduated a good university with honours and is now working on her PhD.
Three years ago she brought home Romé, he was 19 then. Romé is every parent’s nightmare. He dropped out of high school, spent his teenage years in and out of juvenile prison, has a lot of issues with his head, zero temper and impulse control and is barely literate. He works a shit job and is dirt poor. The only good thing about him is that he’s slightly attractive and has this fun "class clown" personality. Also he's been to juvie for serious stuff. B&E and possession of weapon.
Of course I was pissed. I didn’t want Lisa to spend her youth with a dangerous and unstable loser. I tried to explain it to her, but she didn’t listen, and so I told her I’ll take away her allowance and won’t pay for any of her expenses if she keeps hanging out with Romé.
They broke up after a month, she obviously couldn’t handle this lifestyle. Romé blocked Lisa everywhere. Lisa was devastated, but slowly moved on after I got her into therapy.
Recently Lisa was babysitting her niece and took her to a playground. That’s where she saw Romé and his wife playing with their kid. Apparently, right after Lisa broke up with him, he immediately knocked up another girl and married her.
Lisa came home in tears. She made a second account to check his social media and found out that he married Lisa’s rival, who was also after him. She saw their wedding pics, their baby pics, that they’re expecting another one and apparently live a happy life. Apparently Romé even kicked his drug and sh habits.
I asked her why is she crying and she told me all of that. I said that the girl is probably miserable because she’s stuck with the mess called Romé and that she pretends to be happy on social media because that’s what everyone does. Lisa kept crying saying that she seemed happy playing with her kid and her husband and that Romé didn’t even notice her. She also said that I ruined her life and that she could be happy with Romé too. I said that she could find a much better man and that Romé was probably cheating on her with that girl because if he really loved Lisa, he wouldn’t move on that quickly.
It’s been a week and Lisa still doesn’t want to talk to me. I offered her to get back into therapy, but she refused.
My teenage daughter (19) has lied on two occasions about me physically assaulting her. The first time It happened my ex (her mum) messaged me out the blue asking why I was pushing my daughter. I was completely shocked, we had argued sure. But I had never laid a finger on my daughter like that, ever. I later confronted my daughter about it, and said that accusations like that are dangerous, and can have severe consequences. At the time I was living with my current wife and had two other children in the house (Including our very young toddler). My daughter apologised to me about it, when we were alone. And I now see that letting that apology happen like that was a mistake.
Things between my wife and I weren't good, during this time. My daughter had a good relationship with her, but it was friendly and not a parent-child kind of relationship. My daughter with me however, could be awful. And this occured whenever we were alone, in my wifes absence. My daughter had lived with us for well over a year, and she could be truly awful and disrespectful. I had over this time tried so hard to be supportive and caring towards my daughter. But it made no difference to her behaviour, it eventually wore me down, to the point I was growing stressed, depressed and struggling to cope with her. At one point my daughter actually wrote me an apologetic note after one argument. I can't remember it word for word. But it was along the lines of her recognising her behaviour towards me and apologising. However, the next day she went into my bedroom, removed the note and destroyed it (after I had written one back to her).
A few weeks later, I tried to have a conversation with her about an ongoing issue. One that she had lied about to me numerous times, I tried so very hard to be calm and encourage a safe chat. But she was dismissive, rude and disrespectful. And I finally snapped from all the stress, it wasn't an instant snap, it wasn't me losing my shit in a second. It was over a year and bit (and her before she moved in) of crap from her, that I finally could not take. I had finally reached the apex, and I broke. We had a bad argument, we shouted at each other, said hurtful things. And I ordered her out of my house. At this she for the first time actually looked shocked at something I said. All the times before that she had ignored whatever came out my mouth. But I think she realised that she had pushed me too far.
Here comes the second lie, my wife returned from work, just after this argument and me telling her to leave happened. And my daughter told her I pushed her. My wife believed the lie (not her fault) and in those circumstances that lie was passed onto the police and I was arrested. And because my marriage had broken down, for other reasons I had to leave the house. A second lie about me pushing her. She then went on to say multiple lies to people about other issues affecting us and tried to manipulate people against me. When I could prove she was lying, family members believed me and some of her lies were caught out. But by this point my daughter had manipulated my wife against me, which is a behaviour all her family members are aware of, because we have all witnessed it and are aware from it over the years.
it's been months and months since this has happened. And my daughter is not remorseful for it and has never genuinely apologised to me for it. But I do not feel safe going back to that house with her living there to visit my kids. I explained to my wife that lying about abuse is awful, and lying to my wife about it is just as bad. I can't forgive my daughter for it. I actually grow paranoid around her, and am on edge whenever I'm near the house or in it. It has caused me to self harm, consider suicide, increased dosages of MH medication and therapy.
My wife refuses to kick her out, even though she knows she's lied. My wife isn't receptive when I try and explain how my daughter has been. Instead I have had the focus of responsibility for it turned on me. My wife thinks that she has NPD and this affects how my wife thinks and sees things. Doesn't make my wife wrong all the time because of it. But in this instance, my wifes NPD is not helping the situation, it makes it much worse than it should be. I have explained to my wife this situation with mh daughter is affecting my relationship with my son. And she recognised it but there's a lot of work for her to do anything about it. My whole family has gathered around me in support. Because of how she (daughter) has been with them, my family for their own reasons, have backed off from her. All of them are deeply upset of what my daughter has done also.
I can't have her in my life anymore, I feel happy that I don't have to put up with her awful behaviour. But the whole process has been heartbreaking for me. A part of me has just been completely devastated by it all, no apology can make up for it, my life has been hell for the better part of a year. AITAH for wanting her to be kicked out of the house? Having her gone so I can visit my kids in their home without all this awfulness.
I ( 55M) just lost my wife (56F) to cancer.
My late wife's entire life was about her 30 year old daughter, who suffers from Down's Syndrome and has never and will never have the ability to live independently. Nor will she ever have the ability to ever exercise any real amount of emotional impulse control.
And before you all start in on the " evil stepdad who doesn't care to understand" line of thinking, I want to add that I have been in her life since she was 5. And spent years fearing the day where she was physically developed to the point where punches, scratches, and throwing things were a real threat. Once that happened, all of my wife's friends stopped visiting our house. One of them even said that her uncle deals with vicious dogs for a living and she feels safer around his workplace than at our house.
I many times have ended up needing to go to the doctor's for the crime of sitting in the same room as my stepdaughter and having her attempt to pound my head in, throw a heavy object at me, or trying to choke me after I had fallen asleep.
My late wife was the only one who could reliably calm her down. When we started using caregivers for my stepdaughter after my wife was diagnosed, THEY would be asking ME whether I could enlighten them on a better way to explain things to my stepdaughter when she was going ballistic. When even they, who were used to explaining things to people who just didn't get things were still struggling and asking for insight.
When my late wife was diagnosed, the first word out of her mouth was my stepdaughter's name. She cried every day for what was to become of her. In her desperation, she tried to press the doctor for chemotherapy when it no longer made sense. Turned to alternative medicine despite it making her feel worse. Saying she would have stopped all treatment if she was only leaving behind a employable, functioning 30 year old.
On her deathbed, she made me promise to not let her fall into the hands of a state care facility. I promised her because I didn't have the heart not to.
But now after my grief fog has cleared 2 months later my stepdaughter remains the same. She doesn't understand her mom is dead- only that she's gone and is angry at me for it. Saying she'll be good, so bring her back.
Caregivers are expensive. I don't make much. I didn't resent any medical expenses when it was my wife but I admit that I resent my stepdaughter. My own grown kids won't visit with her around. If I hadn't made the death bed promise the decision would have been easy.
And finally I made the decision that I needed to put her in a state run facility, as even with my wife leaving me everything, I couldn't afford anything " better." Now family are calling me the evil stepdad and a mother's worst nightmare. AITA?
AITAH, so I’ve been married to my wife for almost 7 years. We’ve been together total 11 years. When we first got together she told me that she was married but legally separated and filing for divorce.We went out a few times and we didn’t hook up immediately. So when we did she told me that she was sleeping with two other dudes sporadically. She was their booty call. I told her that I don’t hop from partner to partner. So she agreed to no longer sleep with them and cut ties. I’m the beginning the sex was great. Then we hit year two, it started to slow down. Like way down, I asked what could we do differently. She started taking prescribed anti depression meds. Found out it brought her libido way down to nothing. We communicated and we started having sex again. Skip ahead to year four, we get engaged, married and move out of state. We move in with in laws and the sex became next to none. She felt uncomfortable having sex in parents house. We lived with parents to help be care takers of terminally ill step parent. This also allowed us to save for a house. So, we eventually buy a house and move out. The sex I thought would have improved, so now it’s like maybe 1 to 2 times a month, maybe.Then it went to once every 2/3 months. So we start trying for a kid, and we would only have sex when she ovulated. I was happy but then we found out that we will need medical intervention to get pregnant. This was 2020 -2021. During that time she was getting shots and on pills. So sex became non existent. We had a miscarriage in the summer of 2021. Then in the fall we had success with embryo. But still no sex,she didn’t want to chance anything. During the 9 months we only had sex once. Then our little baby was born. She had to have a C-section. I didn’t press her on having sex. So we went summer of 2022 to winter of 2023 without doing anything. We finally had sex March of 2023. But she just says hurry up and get it over with. So I’ve asked her many times what do I need to do, she says nothing. I don’t ask for it, I stopped trying. I have become frustrated because she said finally she doesn’t enjoy it, want it and expects me to just not want it any longer. I’ve tried for so long to not say anything to her but she just gets mad when I bring up timeframe. We are sitting at 9 months, when is enough and say I’m leaving. Am I the Asshole for telling my wife how I feel about this situation?
I 32F have a 11 year old daughter who has been getting into fashion and makeup a lot more recently. She asked if she could buy some makeup and I let her. I took her to Ulta and all she got was, a lash curler, mascara, highlighter, and 2 lipglosses. Now I didn’t mention this before but my mother in law lives with us. When she saw my daughter’s bag from Ulta she jokingly said “Oh wow she’s using makeup where’s she going?” I didn’t think much and just laughed it off. Later I heard her talking on the phone about how I’m letting my daughter do “such inappropriate things” when in reality I’m just letting her be a normal pre teen. I confronted her about it the next day and she says that it’s her opinion and that girls shouldn’t wear makeup until they’re 18, etc. I than tell her that no one cares or gives a shit about her opinion. She got mad as hell after of that and hasn’t been talking to me for 3 days. My husband says I should apologize but I don’t know if I should so am I the asshole?
AITA for not Forgiving My Brother After His Unacceptable Behavior before my wedding, Unless he Apologises?
I (35M) am grappling with a family dilemma surrounding my older brother (37M). I’ll start with, my brother and I were very close growing up together, but when we grew older my brother became a narcissist and has a very fragile ego, frequently lashing out at people for some perceived grievance (one of the reasons I distanced myself originally).
Despite not having a close relationship and not speaking for several years, my mother insisted on him being a groomsmen at my wedding (overseas) and I accepted. The bachelor party, organized by him and the best man, started well and was genuinely a night to remember, but took a turn when my brother, who decided he wouldn’t drink that night, began acting out.
During the night, he took inappropriate photos of one of the groomsmen vomiting in an alleyway and sent them to the groomsmen’s girlfriend. He pressured people into taking more shots at the bar and laughed at another groomsman who was vomiting in the shower at the end of the night, even taking videos instead of offering assistance etc the list went on. The following day, he got upset that no one wanted to spend time with him, despite everyone nursing hangovers and feeling a sort of way towards his behaviour the night before. He got into an argument with a groomsmen and the best man about the night before and wanted me to defend him (which I did not).
To make matters worse, the next day he got into an argument with the bride to be and made her cry. I confronted him and we had a huge argument, I told him he was still welcome to be attend the wedding, but he needed to apologise and then tone things down with everyone. I said if he couldn’t apologise to the bride to be, he would be out of the grooms party (but could still attend). He then abruptly left the country the night before the wedding, claiming he felt disrespected.
I’ve tried to reach out to him a number of times over the last few years to make amends, but he always ignored me. He still hasn’t met his niece and nephew (2 and 5 years old).
Fast forward to earlier this year. I finally get a message from him and this is where I might be the asshole:
Brother: I’ve decided to forgive everyone although I know it might not change thoughts or feelings from your side, im just letting you know from my side I’ve let it go for myself and everyone involved.
Me: Is that an apology? Forgiving implies everyone else was in the wrong, but not you. I’m willing to accept things as they are, but there needs to acknowledgement that everyone made mistakes and acted inappropriately, including you.
Brother: I’m not implying anything about anyone, I’m just saying I’ve let it go and I have no feelings towards anyone about what they did or did not do, or what he/she contributed or not over that period of time.
Me: As long as you refuse to acknowledge your responsibility in the issues that happened there and the subsequent years of ignoring calls, then we won’t have a relationship. I’m glad you have found forgiveness for yourself though. Nothing in your messages is suggestive of remorse or an apology or acknowledgment that you were even partially responsible. If you forgave that’s for you to know, not for me.
Brother: I could say the same thing to you however I no longer need someone to take the blame or apologise for their part of involvement, I was simply letting you know I’ve forgiven everyone for everything all parts of that trip.
Me: I don’t need your forgiveness. I needed my brother to man up and apologise for what he did. You weren’t there. You haven’t been there. And you are too good to apologise or show remorse. Forgiveness is easy and for yourself. Apologising is hard and the other people involved. I forgave you long ago, because that was for me. But that’s where it stays, there isn’t any moving forward without more from you. I hope you realise that one day man.
His message out the blue really irritated me, especially since he still couldn’t acknowledge any wrongdoing, it felt like his old gaslighting tricks. But this was the first time he reached out and I really didn’t give him a chance. He hasn’t message back since.
Background I’m (17M) dealing with a tough situation involving my sister (15F) who recently confided in me that she’s pregnant . Her boyfriend is the father, and she begged me not to tell our parents until she was ready. My sister, let’s call her Liv, is around 10 weeks pregnant. She asked me to meet her at the park, and there she tearfully revealed the news. Liv made me promise not to tell our parents, saying she needed more time to figure things out and was scared of their reaction. Fast forward a few weeks, and the burden of keeping this secret was overwhelming. Liv continued to postpone telling our parents, and the tension at home was palpable. I felt like I was stuck between being loyal to my sister and responsible to our parents. Yesterday, Unable to bear the weight any longer, I eventually spilled the truth during a family conversation. Liv was devastated and accused me of betraying her trust. She screamed that she hates me. So, am I the asshole for revealing Liv’s pregnancy against her wishes? I did it because I thought our parents had a right to know, and the longer we waited, the harder it would be for them. Liv, on the other hand, thinks I’ve ruined everything
Me (17f) got into an altercation with my dad (46m) this Friday night it started around 6pm I made my own dinner sat down to eat it and that's where he started with snide comments saying that I don't do anything round the house not wanting to cause an argument but wanting to defend myself I explained that within the last couple of days I've cleaned the entire bathroom (while being very sick and the bleach sure didn't help) hoovered the entire house, bathed the dog and washed up his plates from the night before as well as cooking my own dinner and running everyone in the household a bath for when they come back from work.
He started to get accusatory and offended claiming that I was insinuating that he did nothing (he cleaned the mirror in the bathroom that was it) and was starting get loud by this time my mum started to try calm him down to no avail he starts to go on a tangent about how difficult of a person I am (I am autistic and I can't handle the texture of onions and mushrooms I will gag and unfortunately for me almost every meal that is cooked will contain onions) while I do understand that is a convenience I tried to remind him that I'm happy to cook my own dinner in my own time and buy the ingredients for my own meals.
I tried to stay calm this entire time but I did start to cry I can't stand when people yell near me or at me to which he does on about how emotional I am and that I should man up because he doesn't cry then stating he will give me something to cry about and slammed the living room door and went into my bedroom for the next 5 minutes all I hear is slamming and breaking of my stuff.
I didn't dare go upstairs because I didn't want to be in his way or see the carnage of my room he comes back down and starts screaming "are you happy now" over and over I wash my plate up go upstairs and he has smashed my Xbox and my controller which I bought with my OWN money (80 quid) was completely smashed on the floor and is completely unusable along with other things in my room also smashed but I'm more bothered that he smashed my own property he knew how much I spent on the controller and why it was very valuable to me it was a completely yellow controller (my favourite colour) with a pride design all over the main body that I had custom built and saved up for a very long time.
Later that night around 12pm I hear him coming upstairs to bed with my mum to which he says "don't have her near me because I will hurt her" this set me off crying again until I was asleep.
The next morning i said that I heard him and my mum said that because it happened the night before I should just forget it because it's a new day to which I responded how can I forget when he broke something that meant so much to me and she told me to man up because it doesn't matter.
I haven't spoken to my dad since and I refuse to even go near him or speak to him again. In the past when he's broken my stuff I do let it go but this time I just can't especially when he won't even replace it so now I don't have it anymore and it just makes me sad that I didn't have any breakfast or lunch for a couple weeks straight to afford it and now it's all gone.
I just want to know if I'm being dramatic and should just forgive him?
I'm 32F married to my 37M husband for 4 years now, together for 10 years. We have no children and don't plan to.
We've had a great relationship and marriage so far with an active sex life. I haven't felt or noticed any red flags in the marriage and didn't feel there were any from his side either.
Two nights ago, we were relaxing and watching a movie when he asked what I thought of his friend, let's call him Alex. I asked why and he asked if I thought he was attractive. I said yeah sure he's a good looking man but was confused. He then asked if I'd have sex with him if I was single. That took me completely by surprise and I asked where that was even coming from!
He then said he's been secretly fantasizing about me being intimate with his friends. He also said he'd spoken about this with his friends too and that there was some interest. This was way too much for me to handle and I asked him why he'd even consider this without asking me. I said I had no interest in this at all and wondered what else he had shared (he has taken a few explicit photos of me in the past with my consent). He said he hadn't shared any of those pictures but just spoken about it.
I told him this is way out of line and have been at my sisters house since then. I have no idea how to deal with this, I consider it a massive breach of consent and don't know what got into his head. My sister says I'm being an AH for not considering why he might have done this and giving him another chance especially since we've been together so long.
I would love for any advice to help navigate through this.
AITAH for saying that it doesn't count as "cancelled plans" if my bf asks me if we can go to a party and i immediately say no because i'm busy?
my boyfriend 33m accused me of always canceling plans (mostly parties) on him, yet never canceling plans on my friends. i canceled two plans in the last, idk, very long time. by canceled i mean we had a whole plan, and tickets and stuff and i couldn't go. so it was literally two times, so i asked specifically what plans i canceled. turns out, the reason he says that, is because when there's a party, he asks me if i'm free that day, and i say no i can't go i'm busy, he counts that as canceling a plan. so in his mind, me saying no right away to a party because i know i can't go, is the same as having planned everything around a party and then me canceling last minute. am i really being unreasonable here? i really don't think that's the same, like, there was no plan to cancel. but maybe i'm wrong
AITAH for telling my brothers wife that she is welcome to get a hotel room if she’s going to keep complaining about everything in my house?
My (28F) brother Alex (33), his wife Rachel (35) and their daughter (7 months) are staying with me til after Christmas because they are back in our hometown for the month and our parents house is being renovated, so they have nowhere else to stay.
I’m a nurse and work strange shifts sometimes. A few nights ago, I got home at around 2am after my shift. Usually I work either day or night shift so getting home at 2am was unusual but it happens sometimes. Anyway, I walked in the house as quietly as I could, but the stairs creak so Rachel heard me come up. The next morning, she asked if coming home at 2am will be a regular occurrence because I woke her up. She asked if I can avoid coming home at such hours or walking up the stairs because she’ll wake up. I said I’ll avoid it as best I can but some things will be unavoidable and I apologise in advance. She keeps complaining every time me or my brother walk up or down the stairs when she’s trying to take a nap or at night when she’s asleep.
She’s been complaining about literally everything. She’ll say stuff like “ughhh this wifi is shit. Ugh this area is too noisy, I can’t sleep. Ugh this couch is bad for my back. Ugh the fruits here are terrible. Ugh these forks are too thin”. If she was complaining about things that I could change easily then I wouldn’t mind because I do want them to enjoy their stay here, but hearing her complain about everything under the sun is draining. I hate coming home from work just to hear her complain and complain and complain.
Yesterday after she was complaining about how much she hates my induction stove and telling me I should just get a regular gas stove, I said I keep my house just as I like it so she shouldn’t worry about it. She said yeah it’s how I like it but it makes it difficult for guests. I said I barely ever have guests and the only reason they’re staying with me is because I wanted to do them a favour, but that they’re absolutely welcome to get a hotel if she’ll just complain about everything.
She told my brother about our conversation and he said I’ve put him in a tough spot because he can’t afford to get them a hotel or Airbnb for weeks but now I’ve made his wife not want to stay with me anymore. I said that’s all on his wife and none of that is my problem. Things are very hostile and weird around here now. AITAH?